Sunday, December 9, 2012

My superhero...

Home care came today. Got my needle site changed and the dose on my zofran upped. I pray this does the trick for the overwhelming nausea.

Today has been not so good. Woke up with a low grade fever and nauseated. I didn't feel like eating or drinking anything until about 11am. Got a few sips of water down. After the home care nurse left my husband gave me some powerade. I've managed a few swallows. I'm lying here praying this wave of nausea passes quickly.

One thing I will say...I am eternally grateful for a wonderful OB staff who believed me and took everything seriously. I've never felt belittled or like I am crazy. They've been on top of things from the time I told them just how sick I've been. Not every woman with HG can say that.

Some doctors still think this awful disease is psychological. They treat the women who have it like mental patients. Now, it does mess with your head. But not because it's all in your mind. Rather, your body goes into survival/starvation mode and you start thinking crazy things to try and deal with it. I don't discount that part of the problem is psychosomatic but that is a symptom, not the cause. The cause is not known. There is no cure, other than to have your child. Sometimes even then it can linger. I was reading a blog today of a mom who still had nausea and vomiting over a year after the birth of her son. Women are scarred by this. They are left with PTSD. Emetephobia (sp?) is common (fear of vomiting). They are left with the tough choice of whether they want to endure the trial again to have more children. They lose children because their bodies are not healthy enough to sustain the pregnancy. Some even do what seems unthinkable and terminate. I have learned that I can understand why they would. These are wanted pregnancies.

But HG takes away the ability to think rationally. It robs your joy. All you can think about is how you want this to end. How you want to be normal again. To be able to eat. Drink. Play with your children. To be able to work. To drive a car without getting sick. Simple things, really. Things we take for granted. Right now I can't even tie my own shoes. My husband does it for me. He cooks (when I can stand the smell), he cleans. He does the laundry. All of it. He also goes to work. He takes care of our 20 month old. He has become my rock and my superhero. He talks to the nurses and the doctors on the phone because I don't feel like it. I don't know how he does it but he's managing. I'm so thankful for him because without that support I would not have made it this far.

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