Monday, December 17, 2012

A number

130. Three months ago I would have rejoiced at that number. Today it's just another reminder of the failure my body has become. 12 pounds lost. Who knows if there will be more.

I got out of bed before noon today. This is an husband will attest to that. I actually have decent clothes on. Again, an accomplishment. Hasn't happened since before I went to the hospital. Our goal is the grocery store. I may end up doing something I never dreamed I would and riding one of those electric scooters. Walking takes energy. Energy I don't have.

Play time with my son consists of him climbing on my bed and playing with his trains or stuffed animals. It's all I can manage. It makes me sad some days. Other days I'm grateful I get to play with him at all!

I live in constant fear I'm hurting my baby. My lack of adequate nutrition is bad. I just keep praying the baby will be healthy and ok. It's all I can do.

I've been crocheting a blanket for my wee one since it doesn't require much effort. It helps take my mind off things.

Now I'm off to try and make a success of this day. I pray it works!

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