Update

Sorry to any regular readers...I haven't felt like posting in a while. I've had some pretty down days lately and the few "fluffy" days I've had my husband and I have taken the time to enjoy with our son.

Yesterday we went to the science center in St. Louis. Our son greatly enjoys roaming around and being able to touch things there. We even enjoyed a documentary about the Canadian Pacific railroad and how it was laid. Little man sat still through the entire thing, in awe of the giant trains on the omnimax screen!

Today is my husband's birthday. I wish we could have done more but we did get to watch the movie "Lincoln" finally. It was really good. I felt pretty sick before we made it home but managed to make it. I got my medicine down and took a hot shower and was able to feel some better.

In control? Nope!

Today I'm reminded just how much this disease controls my life. After a three hour car trip I was the sickest I've been in a while. I threw up for the first time in over a week. Followed by other stomach unpleasantness. Now I'm awake at 2 am praying my stomach will calm down and I can sleep more.

I don't think I've written since we found out we are having a girl! I can't wait to dress her up.

The doctor has us scheduled to go see a high risk doc on feb 6th. We will have another ultrasound at that time to make sure some cysts around baby's brain are shrinking on their own. He said it isn't something to be overly concerned about so I am doing my best not to worry. We will also have a consult that day to see if I can vba2c (regular birth after having two cesarean sections). I'm hoping they say yes as it is something I really want to do. We shall see.

I have been doing quite a bit of crocheting. I'm adding some pictures of the hats I've made so far. I'm going to try to sell them. I hope they will fund my cloth diaper addiction! I'm trying to build my stash for this new little one! For a long time HG was preventing me from using cloth at all. We are finally back to using some cloth at home and it makes me pretty happy. Yay for not clogging up landfills quite so much!

Grateful for help.

I haven't posted for a few days because I just didn't feel up to it. That isn't to say I had bad days altogether but I tried to use the times when I felt well to enjoy time with my family.

Most mornings now I barely escape getting sick. This morning was the worst I've had in a week. But I made it through by snuggling with my son and trying to sleep.

My husband started a new semester today. Thankfully he only has a couple classes on Mondays so he was home by 1:30. I made it through! I was able to take care of our son without help! He has to work longer tomorrow so little man will go to our friends' house for the day. I am so grateful to them for stepping up to watch him time and again throughout this journey. They took care of him while I was in the hospital. He loves going there and playing with their kids and it has made being away from my baby so much less stressful.

I'm praying I'm nearing the end of this journey. I barely have the mental strength to make it through these days. But I try to remember to take one day at a time and if I can survive that day I can make it to the next!

Helping a woman with HG

There are really simple ways to help a woman with HG. Most involve only a small amount of time. Something as simple as a Facebook or text message can mean the world to a woman who feels completely isolated by this disease. Here are the top ten things to do from helpher.org:

http://www.helpher.org/about-her-foundation/top10-2.php

Not so fun day

Today I felt the worst I have since I got out of the hospital. My husband encouraged me and we got through the low but it wasn't much fun. I didn't want to eat or drink anything and I felt so sick. Not eating makes things worse not better but it's hard to think straight through extreme nausea. He helped me take a shower through the worst of it (for some reason it helps so I take two sometimes three showers a day) then encouraged me to at least try to drink some powerade and eat a little oatmeal. Once I got those down I felt some better. I just took my nine pm meds so hopefully I'll continue to improve. More meds at midnight!

My little man

I haven't felt like writing much the past few days. Yesterday wasn't so good. I ended up with some pretty gnarly cramps.

I was supposed to go to work today. Talked yesterday to my work and we decided it was best for my health that I stay home. I don't think tomorrow looks promising either.

I've been having a lot of backaches lately...probably from so much time spent in bed. Not much fun in the middle of the night!

I will be glad of the day I don't have to take so many drugs just to be able to eat and drink.

The one good thing this has taught me is that it is ok to rely on other people to help you. I can't do much by myself, especially taking care of my little man. He has adapted but some days it makes me feel guilty. He's really excited about the "baybay" and that makes things better. He has become quite the little helper the past few days. It's so fun to watch him learning new things and becoming a preschooler rather than a toddler. His vocabulary grows more every day!

New year...

On this last day of 2012 I can only hope that with the new year comes a new lease on life for me. My body is slowly giving out on me. I spend 16+ hours in bed. I have little to no interest with interaction involving the outside world. The only people I talk to on the phone are my mom and brother. On top of HG I have a cold and can barely breathe. I'm ready for a fresh year and hopefully a fresh outlook on life!

I know it's too much to expect but I keep hoping I will wake up and this debilitating disease will be over. That I'll be miraculously healed and life will be normal again. It's too much. Too much to go through this existence that's hardly any existence at all. I'm able to keep food and drink down but only because I take two different medications four times a day each. Every three hours I'm taking something. It scares me to think that if I miss them...sometimes even if I'm just a bit late...I'll get sick. The dread of being sick rules my life. I'm tired and ready to give up.

So I really hope the new year at least provides me with a better look at things and the willpower to go on for five more months.